This is defiantly not the best I have written but I don’t expect it to be. I wrote this on the way back from school lol. Critique the heck out of this because I like it but it doesn’t sound... right and I can’t think of a way to fix it besides completely redoing it. What do you think?
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Remember! It is that wonderful time of the year again, a time to live and laugh for last year has come to an end. It is gone now, forever faded, but at least we will have the memories. In the end memories are all we really have left...
Remember! Remember!
Remember the time you had! The good the bad, the scary the sad. The blissful, the exciting and the downright ugly. They make us who we are and who we will one day become. They are unchangeable, unbreakable, unforgettable and absolute.
Or so we are told
The truth is memories fade. As they do, so does the person. Memories make who we are and without them we are nothing! Without the memories of the past we loose who we are, who we were made, who we wanted to become! The past is more important than anything else because at one point or another, everything is the past. So don't live for the present with nothing to look back on. Don't live for the future in hopes of erasing the past. Don't ever let it go.
Remember! Remember!
The times you laughed, the times she cried, the time he died. All of the memories are equally important and none can be forgotten. If we forget the pain then the next time it will seem worse, and if we forget what it is like to be happy we won’t notice the next time we are. Memories keep us going; give us the strength to go on. Forgetting the past is as bad as never having lived.
So make your memories worth being remembered. Only in this way can we truly live forever; in the memories of others. So celebrate life. Live to the fullest and make it worthwhile. Remember every moment. Remember it all!
Remember! Remember...
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Canary word: Present
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This is a poem right? So what you can do is separate the lines more because it looks like two paragraphs.
Oh, and it doesss sound like you're talking to some one younger than you who already has a clue what times were bad and good...etc.
I think you did good, very good!
You could just fix it up a little, and separate some lines...maybe check if you repeated anything twice.
PS. There were a lot of "memories".
I think if you fixed it up a little it would sound much better.
Nice job!!!
Good ideas, a bit cliched, but I definitely agree with you that it needs some revision =). For starters, the "Remember!"s are a bit out-of-place. I think it's the exclamation points. If you made it into more of a phrase, such as "Do you remember" or just "Remember...". Another thing to point out is that this doesn't sound like much of a poem. It sounds more like a grown-up trying to give a reminiscing story/talk to a younger kid. The full sentences and the way you have set it up are part of it. The way it is displayed on the page is more like a paragraph than a poem, and also try breaking up the sentences and add in some onomatopoeias if you can. Just some suggestions!
Hope I helped!
-KEK